If we’ve learned anything about the gaming industry in the last few years it’s that people absolutely love tiny versions of things they bought decades prior. Um… Except for the PlayStation Classic which doesn’t count for the purposes of this flimsy argument. That point notwithstanding, it’s hard to deny the proliferation of tiny, classic consoles and their marketability. Even if you aren’t interested in owning a suite of games from years past, the fact that most of these look cool on a shelf or a desk is sometimes more than enough of an excuse. Well, Sega is going back to that tiny well once more with the announcement yesterday of not one, but four versions of the Game Gear Micro. Why four versions? Each of these $50 mini versions of the “beloved” Sega handheld comes with a different collection of games. That’s all well and fine, but allow me to be the one to ask the tough questions: Where’s my PlayStation Vita Micro?
You think I jest, but have no fear True Believer, as this is a real request. I mean, if something as battery-bloated as the Game Gear can get a revival then why not a handheld console whose very name means “life?” The thing recently showed up in a The Last of Us Part II gameplay video, for crying out loud! Fair is fair! I demand that my ridiculous demand for a handheld nobody appreciated (least of all, Sony) being turned into a useless tchotchke be taken as seriously as possible. After all, haven’t you always wanted the console experience of Call of Duty or Uncharted in the palm of your hand, but… like, a lot smaller? Like, really small? Imagine the possibilities!
And if that doesn’t work then maybe this is the time for macro-sized classic consoles. After all, who hasn’t wanted a SNES the size of a terrier, or a mini-SNK arcade cabinet that’s the size of an actual arcade cabinet? It’s meta! People love that! Let’s just go all the way and introduce the PlayStation Vita Macro, able to easily fit in the palm of one hand, if you, uh…kinda put your hand down flat and maybe balance it against a desk so that your other hand can use the gigantic analog sticks?
I don’t know, I’m not some kind of Vita scientist, just an ideas guy! Either way, if Sega fans are going to get their hearts broken over a supposed major announcement that ends up just being more useless plastic throwbacks attempting to drum up interest in a nostalgia product, then us Sony fans deserve that as well!
Um. That came out wrong. I’ll workshop that. Remember: Ideas guy. (Editor’s Note: Can’t you just see Will flashing a cool thumbs up and a grin as he gestures at himself here? Painting pictures with his words.)
Regardless, the Game Gear Micro is coming out in Japan sometime in the future, and probably not anywhere else.
